Brooklyn, The movie, and that dreaded 'goodbye'.

Last night I went along to see the movie Brooklyn. Based on the novel by Colm Toibín I was really looking forward to seeing it on the big screen. Being an avid book lover I was well prepared for the movie falling short of the book. Which it did...but....
The movie awoke in me memories I thought were in the past. Images which I could so clearly relate to, and a genuine heartfelt sympathy towards every mother in the past who said 'goodbye' to a son or daughter from the homeland.
Brookly tells the story of a young Irish girl, Eilis Lacey, who leaves her home in Co. Wexford to build a better life for herself in Brooklyn. She leaves behind her elder sister Rose, and her mother. It is mid 1950's and the boat journey alone was one of sheer horror.
I knew the story. I've read it and tutored it. There were going to be no surprises here for me. Or so I thought.
As Eilis boarded the ship at Cork and her mother and sister stood by, it simply drew on raw emotion from every single person in the packed cinema theatre. One doesn't have to have experienced this situation to have been affected from this on the big screen last night. Such was the portrayal. Close up shots of both Eilis and her family were enough to bring a tear to every eye.
But alas the tears I shed were not just for this and so many other families in years gone by. My tears that welled up were awakening memories from just a few years ago.
My eldest son was leaving home to spend two years in a very remote part of Canada. I was so pleased that he was going to see the world and no doubt better himself in so many ways, but the experience of that 'goodbye' ripped a little piece of me to shreds.
As I watched these scenes last night it made me realise just how lucky I had been, and how lucky all of us mothers in the modern day are when saying such a 'goodbye'. We have the internet, we have mobile phones and we have such easy accessibility to keep in touch. As my son left Irish shores I knew I'd be speaking to him the following day. I knew I'd see him on a regualar basis via 'Skype' and 'Facetime'. And I knew that he would definitely return home again. Even if he had chosen to make a life long-term in Canada it wouldn't have meant never seeing him again.
As I watched this gripping scene last night I thought on all those mothers who said 'goodbye' to sons and daughters all those years ago and they genuinely didn't know if they would ever see their children again. It would be weeks and maybe months before a letter would arrive with news. Many were never heard of again. As a mother, I cannot even begin to contemplate such.
When the tears finally subsided I did enjoy the movie Brooklyn. It showcases emigration and all that it entails wonderfully. It is definitely a movie I would highly recommend but put a tissue in your pocket (you will be needing it). Saoirse Ronan excels in her portrayal of Eilis.
More than anything I came away thankful for the developments in modern technology and knowing that we mothers will never experience the great sense of loss and that 'wake' by the boat. Count our blessings that emmigration in the modern day doesn't mean 'goodbye' forever.

GMcC

Leaving Cert prep

Having two sons well and truly through the Leaving Cert it's now time to try and prepare the youngest kiddo for such. June 2016 seems a lifetime away now in November but alas it will be upon us before we can say 'Big Maggie'!
And yes, Keane's masterpiece 'Big Maggie' is indeed one of the texts he is studying for the forthcoming exams. With seven subjects alongside LCVP to prepare and revise it's quite a daunting concept thinking that these exams really can determine your future.
When kiddo no. 1 was preparing for the Leaving Cert I was nagging day in, day out, to get the books out and get revising. I would consistently repeat, 'these are the most important exams you will ever do'. And I still stand by the fact that these probably are the most important exams they will ever do: but I'm a tad more relaxed now with no. 3!
I'm not relaxed in that I don't want to encourage him to work well and do his best but more so in that I've realised these exams are not the 'be all and end all'. I've watched parents sending their 10 year old children to 'grinds' over the past year in preparation for the 'transfer test' in Northern Ireland. I watched the same children redo and redo past exam papers. These kids are just 10 years of age. Personally I view this as cruelty. And here I am just nagging the 17 year old to read over notes!
I place huge emphasis on my boys getting a good education. The main requirement always has been that they 'have' to do the Leaving Cert. I had dreams that they would then choose to take the college route and acquire a third level qualification - to which boys 1 and 2 have done.
Now as the youngest kiddo prepares for Leaving Cert and plans to further his education after such, I can smile with the knowledge that they will each have that little thing called an education to help carry them through life.
Having that said education is no guarantee to success or fortune, but it will be of huge benefit in so many areas in life. It instils a level of self-confidence and self-belief in themselves. It teaches them life and social skills for the future. It teaches them that they have a 'voice'. And going to college does of course teach them to fend for themselves (well maybe not!!).
So as the onslaught of the forthcoming Leaving Cert fast approaches and the stress kicks in, I must keep reminding myself that this is not the 'be all and end all'. It is just another step forward in the boys life. When he decides to turn on the playstation and convince me it's his 'time out', I must remember to respect that 'time out'. And then when June arrives, I'm going to trust that the kiddo will indeed do the best that he can do. I don't expect him to do the best that someone else can do. He isn't someone else, He's just himself. And whatever the outcome I know I'll be proud. Leaving Cert 2016 we're ready. Come and get us!

GMcC

Sick Days

It's Monday morning once more and it brings with it not only the wind and the rain, but some sickness too. The kiddo was awake and ready for school but the coughing and spluttering was consistent. And so I told him to go back under the duvet and have a day of rest to see if the dose might shift.
I came downstairs and then contemplated my decision. I know I've made the right one but I didn't always do such. When the children were young I was adamant that they couldn't miss school. I didn't want them falling behind with that all important school work.
Now I still think it's important to keep up with that all important school work but I think it's much more important to keep on top of your health. The kiddo might just have a bad cold and cough but I'd much rather know he was under his duvet, warm and comfy, than troopsing through school all day and passing around his germs.
Next week he has his final set of 'house exams'. His next exams will be the Mock Leaving Cert in February and then of course it's the 'big one' in June.
He's been given some instructions (by me, mother of course) to read over some revision notes, after he's had an extended morning sleep, and stay warm for the day.
Maybe this makes me a bad mother encouraging him to stay off school when he's really not falling apart at the seams, but I've learned with experience that having a healthy family far outweighs the opposite.
Everyone who knows me will be aware that I place my children's educatioin at the core of their development but their health and well being is so much more important.
So it's a sick day for the kiddo today. I'll be getting a mid-morning text message from school saying he's been marked absent. I'll make the call to explain he's sick and all will be well.
I've learned over the years that a clean sheet of attendance is nice to get, but not at the price of my kids health. Sick days, we all need them!

GMcC

Living on a Council Estate!

Whilst blogging with Mummy Pages I wrote a piece one month about my bringing my boys up on a Council Estate. It got a lot of feedback so I'm doing similar again. Not because I want lots of feedback but because it's something I feel very strongly about.
I moved to my present house when my two eldest boys were just 4 and 1. Having moved back home after a number of years in Co. Clare and a short spell in New York, my husband I had been renting a house in our local area for a few years. We had been placed on a waiting list for new Council housing as at that time we were both unemployed. Luck was on our side and in 1995 we were allocated a brand spanking new three bedroomed house in the village we were residing (and still reside today).
We moved in shortly after and life took a turn which I wasn't expecting.
Having grown up in a modest 4 bed bungalow in the countryside I had no understanding of council estate living or the like. So moving into this new house could only bring joy and happiness...right? Wrong!
It brought us a very comfortable place to live, warm, clean and spacious. It brought us the opportunity to settle and begin to build our family home. But it also brought us social segregation from many around. Living in a council estate gives others the right to judge you. Or so those others seem to think.
Fortunatley myself and my husband both came from strong independent backgrounds and both had good educations. But that didn't matter to others. It did matter to me. Having this behind me enabled me to grasp at my own confidence and self-esteem to get through many times when I felt frowned upon by others on the so called 'outside'. Those who lived in large, fancy houses. And those who probably wouldn't know the meaning of the word 'manners' if one threw it at them. But each and every one of my neighbours knew the word 'manners'. There was a mutual respect from everyone in the neighbourhood. Mind you that's not to say there weren't falling outs among neighbours, neighbourly disputes on many occasions, but those are all long forgotten about and put to rest. Doesn't everyone fall out now and again? I'm aware of people in neighbouring villages and towns who don't speak to their neighbour over silly issues. But of course we don't talk about them. They don't live in a council estate!
I can say that everyone in my street speak, greet and welcome each other on a daily basis. I still live in that same house, with the same neighbours and unfortunately still some of the same prejudice. I and my husband bought our house many years ago. At one time we contemplated selling up and moving out. We could buy in another estate in the village...or we could build a nice home in the country. But after thinking about it, we decided to stay where we were. There are neighbours all around where we can call if something is wrong. We can call in the middle of the night if we need something. And I'm pretty sure I can call first thing in the morning if I need a drop of milk.
Many of my neighbours still rent their house from the local council. Does that make me better than them because I own my house? Most certainly NOT. If anything it makes us all the more equal. We all live in the same street and have made our family lives in the same vicinity. Much of my work takes me around the local area, county, country and indeed sometimes further afield. I've met some amazing people and in recent years I met many contemporary music stars. I've hung out with Eric Bell (Thin Lizzy)...I've chatted with Bryan Adams...and I've had the banter with Sinead O'Connor. As for trad musicians worldwide, I've lost count of those I've interviewed and gotten to know. But at the end of all this, I return home to my little abode in that Council Estate. That abode that I call home. That abode that is surrounded by great neighbours and the abode I don't plan on leaving anytime soon.
Being a Mum in this situation was never easy. It made me more determined that ever to ensure my boys were educated to the highest degree. The youngest boy is preparing for his college education next year and the elder two have done theirs. But that's not the only education that I've encouraged in them. Perhaps the most important education they have gotten is that they know never to judge another person.
Word to the not so wise....never judge a book by it's cover and never just a person by where they live.

GMcC

Christmas gift

One always looks forward to Christmas and having that fun time with family. However not eveyone can look forward as it means hardship and struggle when the money just isn't there. Our children all get excited as the Christmas season fast approaches and it never changes.
In the present day I am the very proud mother to three young men. The childhood days are long gone and the excitement however is no less! Santa will still come to the 'men' and smiles will be had on Christmas Day.
But I may differ just a little from many around me. Lots of money does NOT be spent. Lots of presents do NOT be bought. This has always been the way. When the boys were little there was always a budget and it was never exceeded. The budget was put in place initially because funds were low and times were tough. No shame in admitting it and I'll always stand by it. I think the budget was €50 each when the  children were little and it went up to €100 in the teenage years. It was a lot for us and it enabled the children to recieve a nice present and small surprise each year.
I recall close friends spending in excess of €500 on each child and I always said that even if I could ever afford such, it would not be put in place. I have never been able to afford such so the decision has never been an issue.
Christmas for me was always about the fun and frolics during the Christmas period. It was about sharing that glass of wine (maybe 2!) with a very dear friend on Christmas Eve. It was about the children waking myself and their Dad in the very early hours and them insisting that Dad venture downstairs first. This ritual went on for many years.
Now on Christmas Eve, Dad and I still put the surprise presents out when all are in bed. I still have that glass of wine with the dear friend. And fortunately we do get to lie on that little bit longer now (maybe 6am!). The boys still get up quite early and the Christmas morning fun will still be had.
I'm telling this story because I think I did Christmas the right way. I'm not saying I'm right but I think it paid off. The holiday time was about spending it with the children and just enjoying. It was the one time of year we always had 'pyjama days'. We had 'movie days' and we just had 'family days'. Each of these days cost nothing. But they were rich and filled with wealth in so many ways.
As I watched an IKEA advertisment online just recently it all came back to me. It really does hit home what children really want. I'm pretty certain I didn't get to give my children everything they ever wanted but I did give my time. Now as they all grow into adults, I can see the rewards. Just give it a go. You'll be pleasantly surprised.
IKEA advert

GMcC

Sunday outings!

For many people Sundays are meant for lazing around and switching off for that one day only. As a mother I always saw Sundays as the one day the family spent together.
The three boys would look forward to the Sunday dinner as they knew that following this it would be all heads off out for the afternoon. Yes every Sunday it was a ritual to leave the house and go exploring.
Very often this trip took us to a beach where we all walked for what seemed like hours or if weather allowed, fun times would be had in the water. Winter walks along beaches were also had. There were trips to forest parks, to country fields, to touristy spots. And there were some Sunday's where we just put on the wooly hats and coats and went walking locally.
Whatever the weather and whatever the season, a Sunday would always consist of a day out. Very often these days would have incurred little expense (finances didn't allow) but as we learned over time, it didn't have to cost anything to spend that one day together.
As time went by and football matches became the norm on Sunday mornings and lunchtime, the outing would still be had later in the day.
I don't have those days any more. The boys have grown up and do their own Sunday rituals. However I spied on one of the boys facebook just lately that he and his girlfriend were walking a beach on a Sunday afternnon. I smiled to myself hoping this will be something he will continue to do as life goes on and he has his own family. It's a tradition which I firmly believe was very important for the family as a whole.
And it doesn't have to stop there. Myself and himself still take those Sunday trips. And on each one, we'll remember one of those Sunday's many years ago. They were great ones. But these are great ones too....these are for 'grown ups' only!!

GMcC

Kids Cancer and Halloween!

As today progresses most of us are ensuring that we have enough sweets and treats in store for all the kids that will be calling as darkness arrives. This 'trick or treat' event has been ongoing for many decades. I did it, my kids did it, and still it continues. I've just returned myself from stocking up on a selection of sweets for later on.
When I arrived home and logged into facebook I was awakened to the fact that there are so many children in our midst who would love to be going 'trick or treating' tonight but are unable to. Why? Because Cancer has stolen their childhood.

Perhaps I wouldn't be so aware of this if it wasn't for one local little girl who has been undergoing treatment for the past two years now. Someone who is a star among the stars as her smile shines brightly through all her pain and suffering. Someone who would no doubt delight in going around the locality tonight trick or treating with her siblings. But alas, like many others in her situation, she is unable to due to the risk of infection and because they are still receiving treatment for cancer.
So as each child arrives on your doorstep this evening, put a little extra sweet in their bag and wish them well on their night ahead. Sometimes we really do forget how lucky we are having healthy children. Let's ensure that these kids tonight have a fun experience and let's not forget all those chidren who are unable to venture out because Cancer has stolen this experience from them.
Next year I hope to see a certain little someone knock on my door and she will be given every available treat that's going.

GMcC