Friday 26 February 2016

Holidaying without the kids

I read earlier today on the Ireland AM Facebook page about Sky News presenter Samantha Simmonds advising parents of needing a break from parenting. The caption then read 'Do you ever put yourself before your children?'
It got me thinking and annoyed me a little. Apparently Simmonds and her husband had gone on holiday for almost a week without their children. Holy Cow! How awful! Not.
Parents need time away from their children, not only to recharge the batteries for parenting but to keep their relationship alive and real. I've seen so many couples forget about themselves and family life takes over. Surely that just isn't right.
Of course I understand the bills have to be paid; the school run has to be done; the extra curricular activities have to be attended. But Mum and Dad need 'time out' every now and again for their time.
As always I can only speak about my own experiences. When my three boys were little my husband and I had very little money. I was a full time Mum and my husband was both studying and working. So every Saturday night we took time away from the children and we had a 'night out'. Some weeks we had money for a few drinks, others we just took time to have a walk and a few hours minus the children. At least two weekends a year we took a weekend away - minus the three boys. Many of these weekend were spend visiting family members in Dublin, but the main element was that the children did NOT come with us.
As time went by and we could afford it, we began to take a week in the sun every two years - minus the children. This was our week to spend with just each other. The children came along on a number of occasions over the years but those were our 'family holidays'.
I never regretted these weekends and weeks away. They were a tonic for our marriage. The marriage that turns 24 this year. The marriage that now has three grown sons and all the time in the world for ourselves.
Some people think it's ok to put your life on hold whilst the children grow up. I completely disagree with this. I've watched so many of my friends' marriages fall apart when the children had grown up because they did indeed put their life as a couple on hold during the childhood years with the kids. Then when the children didn't need them anymore, the parents discovered that all they'd had in common was the children. It just doesn't work.
I'm not perfect. My marriage isn't perfect. And my husband certainly isn't perfect (note how I exaggerate his not being perfect!!!). But we still enjoy our time. We still enjoy those holidays and those Saturday nights. We still know each other. We still want to do these things together. Maybe if we hadn't taken all those breaks without the boys, our world and life would be very different today. But it's not. And it's such because we never forgot about 'us'. Children grow up and leave. I love my kids dearly, But I'm really grateful that I always continued to love 'me' and my marriage too. Now to go plan another well earned weekend away....just himself and myself!!