Last day in School!

Wednesday moring last week was going to be like any other school morning. I promised myself the night before that I wouldn't treat it any different. But alas, as the 7am alarm went off, my good intentions went out the window. I got out of bed with a tear in my eye and woke the baby with that same tear running down my cheek. This was no ordinary school moring, this was my last ever school morning. 

As mother to three sons I have been doing the school morning routinefor 20 consecutive years now. September 1996 saw my first born son go off to school for his first day. I recall how he told me at the school door: “Mum you go home now.” I remember leaving and feeling proud that my little man wasn't crying to come home with me like many of the other children that day. 

September 1999 saw my second son go off to his first day at school and the experience was much the same as the one before. 

Then in September 2002, the baby of the family went off on his first day of school. This was hard as now there was no one at home during the day except myself. During the two previous first day at school experiences, there was always another child to go home to.  

Over those 20 years I woke the boys for school every day, and I was home every evening when shcool was over. Being her full time didn't make me a better mum than a a working mum. It was just who I was. And it made me into the person I am today. I hope it helped shape the children into who they are today.  

Just last week someone laughed when I told them I had the 7am alarm to set as it was yet another

 school morning. This person couldn’t believe that I didn’t start work that day until 10am and yet

 I was getting up at 7 to see my 18year old off to school. In 20 years, I’ve never not seen my boys off to school in the morning!

So as breakfast was eaten on that morning, it was with a tear still there in my eye. The baby is all 

grown up and had just departed for his last ever school day.

I’m so fortunate in that these 20 years of school days really have been the best that they could be.

Primary school saw all three boys taught by the best possible teachers. Some of those teachers

influence I can still see in the boys to this day.

Secondary school was much the same. Teachers came and went and with each one, something 

new was learned. We were very fortunate that both schools served all three of the boys to the highest degree.

So now as the baby had left home for the last school day of our lives, I was not ashamed to have 
shed that tear. It was a very sad occasion but it was also a very joyous one. It was a day when I was 
going to pat myself on the back. A day I told myself, “well done you.” And it was a day I looked 
to the future. A future filled with with new possibilities for the boy and for me. There’s no more 
school lunches to be made. For that I’m grateful. 

So it’s here that the new journey begins. It’s here I set off on my own. Mum is no more the
 ‘school taxi’, no more the ‘7am alarm’ and no more the Mum of a school boy. Mum is off on
 her journey now. And that’s going to be a journey worth travelling. Maybe you’ll travel some of 
it with me.

And for the last time I said that morning, “Have a good day in school kiddo.”

The School Report

During the school years the 'school report' has always featured heavily in my household on its arrival. It signalled whether the child/children were working in school and more importantly to me, it signalled whether or not they were behaving in school. I always checked this part, the behaviour, of the report first. It was first and foremost the most important part of the schooling year. Doing the best that they could do was the main academia achievement I ever expected. There was never a need to excel other than to reach the best of their capabalities. But I always wanted to know that they behaved in the classroom and within the school environment (as with all environments in general). Good manners and good behaviour take people a long way in life.
There were reports which showcased excellent results. There were reports which showcased room for imporvement in results. There were reports that told me 'he/they could do better'. There were reports that told me 'he/they were being lazy'. On arrival of each school report over the past 19 years, there were groundings when poor behaviour was present. There was encouraged study time when results weren't to the teachers satisfaction. And there was always praise and treats when the reports showcased that the behaviour was good and results were what was expected and more. 
At no time was there need to complain to the school/s. I was fortunate and am very aware of this.
The school report always taught me something new about my child/children. Sometimes I discovered something that the boy/boys excelled at, and which I had no idea about. At times, I discovered the boy/boys had an interest in something I knew nothing about. And at times I was so proud my heart almost burst.
What I learned through each school report was that the teacher/s got to know a side to my child/children that I didn't know existed. These people, (the teachers), were spending more time with my boy/s than I was on a daily basis. Especially during the primary school years.
So often over the past 19 years I have heard other parents complain about the school, the teachers, and the methods of teaching. I beg to differ. Each and every teacher in my children's life was inspirational in so many different ways. They each instilled a trait, or enhanced a trait, in my boys.

Maybe I'm just a very fortunate parent in that, along the 19 year journey that I have travelled through the schooling years has been authentic. But I firmly believe that allowing the teachers to take control and maintain that control has assisted the boys to become the young men that they are today. They have influenced them in ways that I could never have done. They have only served to enhance the manners that I sowed the seed for. They have served to develop the benefit of education I have encouraged. And they have nurtured the ability that each and every one of the boys possessed within.

Those school reports have helped fuel all aspects of my children's development, academically and personally.
Just recently I received my last ever school report. It reassured me that the youngest of my three boys is doing the very best that he can do. But it also brought to my attention that he can still do that 'little bit more'. He can still strive to achieve that higher grade. But now, it is down to him. The teaching staff at both primary and secondary level have done their job well. They have encouraged him and steered him in the right direction. 

Now as he sets out on the 'home sprint' towards Leaving Cert 2016, it is all down to him. It's down to him to put in the extra study. It's down to him to burn the midnight oil. And it's down to him as to whether he gets the desired points in August.
The school report has helped me get to know my children in a variety of ways. The school report has enabled me to keep on top of my children's development. And the school report has allowed me to acknowledge the huge impact that the schools, teachers and the education system has had on my children. As the last school report arrived just a few weeks ago, I read it with a tear in my eye, but with huge pride in my heart. The tear showcases the sadness I feel for the end of this very important landmark in my children's lives. The pride is for the outstanding work of all the teachers that I, and my children, hav encountered along the way. The teachers that have instilled a confidence in my boys, a sense of worth in my boys and for pointing them in the right direction in life. These people, the teachers haven't only taught my boys how to add, substract, how to read and write, they have taught them how to behave, to appreciate and to integrate. They have taught them how to live well.
For that I thank them. And I thank them for all those school reports. Those reports that reported to me just who and what my children are, and will be.
Never underestimate those sometimes dreaded school reports. I have a collection of 19 years worth. And I wouldn't part with them for all the tea in China!

Holidaying without the kids

I read earlier today on the Ireland AM Facebook page about Sky News presenter Samantha Simmonds advising parents of needing a break from parenting. The caption then read 'Do you ever put yourself before your children?'
It got me thinking and annoyed me a little. Apparently Simmonds and her husband had gone on holiday for almost a week without their children. Holy Cow! How awful! Not.
Parents need time away from their children, not only to recharge the batteries for parenting but to keep their relationship alive and real. I've seen so many couples forget about themselves and family life takes over. Surely that just isn't right.
Of course I understand the bills have to be paid; the school run has to be done; the extra curricular activities have to be attended. But Mum and Dad need 'time out' every now and again for their time.

As always I can only speak about my own experiences. When my three boys were little my husband and I had very little money. I was a full time Mum and my husband was both studying and working. So every Saturday night we took time away from the children and we had a 'night out'. Some weeks we had money for a few drinks, others we just took time to have a walk and a few hours minus the children. At least two weekends a year we took a weekend away - minus the three boys. Many of these weekend were spend visiting family members in Dublin, but the main element was that the children did NOT come with us.
As time went by and we could afford it, we began to take a week in the sun every two years - minus the children. This was our week to spend with just each other. The children came along on a number of occasions over the years but those were our 'family holidays'.
I never regretted these weekends and weeks away. They were a tonic for our marriage. The marriage that turns 24 this year. The marriage that now has three grown sons and all the time in the world for ourselves.
Some people think it's ok to put your life on hold whilst the children grow up. I completely disagree with this. I've watched so many of my friends' marriages fall apart when the children had grown up because they did indeed put their life as a couple on hold during the childhood years with the kids. Then when the children didn't need them anymore, the parents discovered that all they'd had in common was the children. It just doesn't work.
I'm not perfect. My marriage isn't perfect. And my husband certainly isn't perfect (note how I exaggerate his not being perfect!!!). But we still enjoy our time. We still enjoy those holidays and those Saturday nights. We still know each other. We still want to do these things together. Maybe if we hadn't taken all those breaks without the boys, our world and life would be very different today. But it's not. And it's such because we never forgot about 'us'. Children grow up and leave. I love my kids dearly, But I'm really grateful that I always continued to love 'me' and my marriage too. Now to go plan another well earned weekend away....just himself and myself!!

Family Meal time

Dinner time is not the same in the modern world as in years gone by. It's never easy to gather a family to the table on a daily basis. There's work, college, school, sports, and other activites which now prevent the entire household to gather at the table. And mine is no exception.
Earlier today my wee family of five were part of a larger family group for a Sunday lunch celebrating a family friend's 85th birthday. As we five sat beside each other I realised that this is the first time we had gathered together to eat since Christmas Day. With the eldest boy living out of home now by himself, the family are not all under the one roof (mind you the said boy pops in home on a regular basis to eat but just not at regular eating times). Son number two is in college during weekdays and that leaves just three of us at home.

Even with the three, there's rarely an evening that we all eat together. Everyone works different hours and with my being self-employed work can carry on to midnight on occasion.
However when the children were younger the dinner table was a very important facet of family life. It wasn't the perfect dinner table (I've never had a passion for cooking) but there was always food and thankfully it got eaten. But that time at the said table was the time when the day's experiences came out. It was at these times I learned about the good and the bad during that day. Be it in school, the football pitch or just outside on the street. Dinner time allowed for conversation to flow among everyone. It was never planned but I soon discovered that many of the issues going on in the children's lives were disclosed at this time. There were dinners of laughter and there were dinners of tears. But at all times it was 'shared times'.
 Looking back now I realise how important this family time really was. This was a special time and it was a valued time. Secrets became exposed and problems were solved. It was in many ways a therapeutic time of day.

Earlier today I learned some things about the boys lives that I didn't know were currently happening. It was just small things but it came out over the dinner table. It was just like old times. No one else noticed these little things. But I did (mother always notices!!)
So I'm guessing the moral of this little blog piece is to simply make time when possible to sit together at the table. It doesn't have to be a roast dinner. Mine was often beans on toast. But it was our meal time.  It was time to talk and share. It was our family time. And it now holds special memories. Make yours a time to remember too.

Children and Pocket Money

I'm really not sure if parents still give their children pocket money anymore or not. But when my kiddos were young it was part of the weekly routine. I think I started giving pocket money around the time the eldest boy was about 8. He was given €5 and the second boy got €3. That doesn't sound like a lot of money now but it was more than sufficient for them at the time. The idea behind pocket money was that it enabled them to purchase whatever sweets they wanted that week. From the onset of pocket money there was no sweet treats from Mum and Dad.
A Friday evening was the day of allocation of this money and most weeks by Saturday it was all spent. Over time this was managed a bit better and as the years went by the boys began managing their money in their own way. As they got older, the pocket money increased. It reached the stage that their money would pay for football training, sweet treats and any other treats they wished to buy. It was an on-going exercise to teach them to manage money and to budget.
I watched as they learned from each other. They would compare purchases and they even began to share at times. But the most noteworthy response was one day as I visited the school for 'Parents Evening'. On this day my second boy was approxiately 7 years old. He'd been getting pocket money for about 3 years. His teacher was able to tell me this day that it was obvious to her that my boy was used to handling money. I told her about the pocket money. She in turn told me that this shows in his mathematical ability. Earlier that week the class had been doing 'money' during maths time. Apparently my son was able to calculate the change from any given amount of spending the teacher proposed to him. She explained to me that the
simple exercise of him going into  a shop unaccompained by me or his father and having to work out what he could afford with the little money he had was paying off in the classroom.
As the years went by and pocket money increased they then had to budget for hair-cuts, hair gel, and all the accessories they wanted. Mum and Dad gave a certain amount weekly and the spending was curtailed to their own needs.
Now in young adulthood I watch as they still budget with their own money. I admire how they can do such. I just wish someone had given me pocket money as a child and maybe I would have some money in my purse today! Alas it wasn't to be!
Pocket Money definitely works in so many ways. It teaches them many lessons and they learn each one of those lessons by themselves over time. Give it a try and see for yourself.

GMcC

Christmas morning and no children outside...

Just one week ago I awoke on Christmas morning around 8am. Having been late getting to bed owing to my big children and their father playing with a new remote control car I was feeling a tad tired. So the only way I know to wake up properly is to go a good brisk walk. And so on this Christmas morning like all others before I did just this. It was shortly after 10am when I finally donned the walking shoes, hat, scarf and gloves. I headed out locally through two housing estates, the back road and then through my local village.
It was a rather pleasant morning. The air was fresh and cool but the sky was clear. A perfect Christmas morning for children to be out playing with their new toys. Or was it?
I walked for over half an hour and on my return home a real sense of sadness prevailed. Not one child had I met or saw outside on this Christmas morning. Not one new bicycle, scooter, remote controlled car, football or other did I spy.
Instead it was all heads in front of the smart tv, the latest playstation, new iphone, ipad or other technology item.
I'm all in favour of technology and moving forward in this high tech world we now live in. Our children must all be tech savvy to get on in life in the modern world. This I can't argue with. But surely there is still a need for fresh air: for sunshine: for wind at their cheeks. Has this really been lost?
As I sat down at home with my own boys that morning I remembered the Christmases past when they were three excited children on Christmas morning. The only one thing that bothered them on this morning was that I wouldn't allow them outside until someone else was out first. I didn't want them waking the neighbours. By 7am there was always at least half a dozen kids outside showing each other the new toys, the new bicycles, the new cars etc. By 9am it was time to return inside for breakfast and some heat. This was just part of the Christmas Day ritual.
I am very aware that outdoors is not explored now, near as much. But surely on Christmas morning there are still kids playing outside. I hope that my area is not an example of the nation. I really hope that some children still enjoy going outside with a good old fashioned toy or other to play and show their friends and neighbours.
It's times like this I really am glad I had my children when I did. The days of fresh air and fun. The days of dirt and freedom. The days of playing. The days when children were children.

Christmas Shopping for 'big kids'.

Is it only me or is Christmas shopping really an absolute NIGHTMARE with the 'big' kids? I do realise that my children are very much now, NOT children, but I still want to do my best and get the desired requisites for the festive season for the not so child-like children.
Earlier tonight I ventured into town (Derry) with my two youngest sons (now aged 17 and 21). There was the usual hustle and bustle about what exactly we were looking for and the said kiddos did manage to escort me to certain shops which stocked the desired 'shirt' and 'shoes' that will of course be necessary for nights out over the festive period.
There's no such thing now as the bargain buy from Primark or the better quality purchase from Dunnes Stores. Oh no, it's now 'Jack and Jones', 'Next Man' or 'River Island' which must be visited. And there's no seeking out the 'Sale' rail. Heaven forbid! And that's just the Christmas clothes.
Trying to pin the 'big kids' down to a Santa gift is a nightmare. There's the 'I'd like a watch but I'm not sure what kind'. There's the 'I want shoes but I'm not sure where to look'.
And of course when I make a suggestion, it's a frowning, 'no, not that'. So just what is it they want? I've tried and tested all sorts and all to no avail. What would I possibly know? I have no taste, no experience, no idea, and very soon, NO MONEY!
And so it was to McDonalds we headed. As I sat alone, the kids went to order (and they even paid). Whilst waiting for them to deliver, a mother and 3 young boys sat down beside me. The 3 boys were all under ten. I smiled to myself and remembered years gone by when this was me. Those were the days when I could pop into Primark and stock up on clothes, shoes and more. Those were the days when I could sneak into Smyths and buy toys they would love. Those were the days when shopping for Christmas seemed so stressful but in hindsight was so stress-free. I didn't know how lucky I was.
Now I'm ensuring the receipts are all kept. I'm ensuring there are other sizes and makes available in what I buy. I'm ensuring I spend equally on each one (heaven forbid one gets more spent on than the other!)
However, there are added benefits to the shopping for those 'big kids'. As we sat down to eat they told me of their purchase for their Dad. I almost fell over when I heard the cost, but it led me to think that maybe (hopefully) they've spent the same on me!! They bought for Grandad and they bought for girlfriends. Alas there was no mention of Mum, but surely it's there, somewhere!
Maybe I'm trying too hard to please them and forgetting that they are now equally trying to please me and Dad. Maybe they stressed just a little about what to buy us. Or maybe they didn't! But either way, it's a delight that they want to spend their money on us. For the little things I really must be grateful.
For all you Mums of little kids, just enjoy that festive shopping experience. All too soon they will be grown up and be so much harder to buy for. Enjoy the little ones and the little things they appreciate. All too soon it is gone.
Christmas shopping doesn't get easier. It gets more complicated and it gets more expensive. Treasure the early years in life and treasure every single minute as you watch them grow. All too soon it is over. All too soon they are 'big kids'.And all too soon they are spending too!